Fireworks

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An open letter:

Dear Mother Nature

Tomorrow, at midnight (wherever they are on Earth), many human cultures will celebrate the start of a New Year. They will do it in all kinds of ways. Many will gather with friends and family to wish each other – and the sparkling wine industry – well for the year ahead. Some will go to places of worship. A little later, several hundred certifiable lunatics (including possibly – hangover permitting – the undersigned) will brave the cold of the North Sea for a (very) fresh start to the New Year.

Some commendable individuals such as fire-fighters, police, paramedics and other emergency personnel will remain on duty, many to save people from or treat them for the results of their own stupidity – they don’t call this the silly season for nothing!

But some will find it necessary to celebrate with fireworks. Not just the pyrotechnic rockets that are undeniably a joy to all in their infinite variety – particularly in the hands of trained professionals – but also firecrackers that, once you have heard the first “bang” and made extra sure by lighting a second one that it makes exactly the same “bang”, you can be pretty sure they will all make the same “bang”. Or am I missing something?


However, each “bang” from each firework discharged in an urban area causes extreme stress to birds, cats, dogs, horses and other animals, both domesticated and wild, who follow Your rhythms and not those dictated by the human clock and have no comprehension why their normally tranquil habitat should suddenly sound like a war zone.

As the animals panic, shelters soon overflow, in the worst cases, bolted animals get hit by cars; some people inevitably lose beloved pets forever. All so that Beavis and Butthead can convince themselves, for the 347th time, that a firecracker goes “bang”.





Now we cannot rely on the politicians to ban fireworks outside of professional displays – they rely too much on the votes of Beavis and Butthead to remain in power – so, Mother Nature, the solution is in Your hands: Please make it rain! Not just a gentle drizzle but a pouring torrent that will instantly soak any firecracker, its wielder and his matches. Everybody else including the farmers and the ducks in the park will love it and it will save the hospitals millions.

It might even prevent some of those who turn off the supercomputer You placed between their ears from immolating themselves (although that sector of humanity – in spite of any nanny-state health and safety legislation – has always proved most creative in finding ways to remove themselves from the gene pool).

If it also leads to some people deciding not to waste their money on fireworks next year, it might even cause a few sweatshops in China to close down.

So for the sake of all of Your creatures on Earth, please disappoint a very small number of mindless humans and let it rain... lots!

– AMB

PS added on 31 December at 10h00:

Sometime after I wrote this letter, as I slept last night, the heavens opened. The streets are now awash and (relatively) quiet.

Thank you Mother Nature!



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